One Big Surprise
by Lady Pan
Summary: Cloud walks in on Tifa & Yuffie... What's gonna happen?
1. The Surprise

Howdy y'all!! Lady Pan here... This is my first fanfic, so don't flame me if you don't like it! I am very very very very hentaii & everything! Also, I'm kinda, um, horny right now...   
~Lady Pan~   
  
  
  
****~*~*~*~*~*~    
  
** AND SO OUR STORY BEGINS... **   
  
-BANG!-   
  
"Tifa! Hello! it's me, Cloudie-poo!"   
  
Cloud bursts into Tifa's 3rd floor apartment in Midgar.   
  
"Hello? Anyone home?"   
  
Cloud looks around and scratches his head.   
  
"Tifa isn't here..."   
  
/Duh idiot! Jeez man, you are stupid!/   
  
"Who... who are, who are you?"   
  
/Like, duh, I'm the author./   
  
"The author...?"   
  
/Yes, now, look in the bedroom./   
  
"Okay..."   
  
So Cloud walks into Tifa's tiny bedroom very confused.   
  
He opens the door...   
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!"   
  
There is Tifa & Yuffie, in bed together, naked...   
  
"Holy shit!!" Tifa cries.   
  
"GET OUT YOU STUPID BLONDE IDIOT!" Yuffie yells.   
  
Cloud rushes out of the room.   
  
"WAIT IN THE LIVING ROOM BAKA!" Yuffie calls out.   
  
Tifa & Yuffie hurry to get dressed.   
  
** IN THE LIVING ROOM **   
  
Cloud is huddled in the corner, shaking and whimpering.   
  
"Come on Cloud, don't be a Jeremy," Tifa commands.   
  
**_Author's Note_: Jeremy is this dude that I know. Very cute, but kinda a chickenshit... If you made ant advances to him, he would go nuts.. Any of y'all have any suggestions as to what I should do to him? I got plenty of ideas, but he's be just like Cloud, whimpering & hiding in the corner. ^-^   
  
"I'm... I'mm noot thaat baad, aam Iiii?" Cloud whimpers.   
  
Tifa sighes. "Not really. Now, we have to talk. Get up."   
  
Cloud obeys.   
  
"Sit. On the couch."   
  
Cloud obeyed.   
  
**_Author's Note_: See a trend here?   
  
"Now, Cloud, Yuffie & I have been meaning to tell you, but..."   
  
"Bbuutt w..why? I..I thought... you...you...loved me...," Cloud said, dejectly.   
  
"I do, baby... but not in that way, I have special needs, and you just couldn't fulfill me."   
  
"Buuut, I have the same stuff Yuffie does..."   
  
/Stupid idiot! Why did you reveal that to the readers?/   
  
//Sorry... I didn't mean to... I can't help it! I thought Tifa like me not a dick...//   
  
/She does, but Yuffie has more engery, just ask her./   
  
"Tifa... why Yuffie?" Cloud asked.   
  
"Because she has more engery."   
  
/See! Told you! Authors know everything!/   
  
//...//   
  
/Hehehe!/   
  
"Now, Cloud, leave. Yuffie and I have, um, unfinished business."   
  
Cloud leaves.   
  
"Now where were we?"   
  
Moans penetrate the apartment.   
  
** NEXT DAY... **   
  
Tifa walks into the 7th Heaven.   
  
Everyone stares at her.   
  
"What? Do I have make-up on my face? Is my shirt up?" she asked.   
  
"No," Cid said cautiously, "It's just that Cloud came in here last night..."   
  
"And he blabbed? I am gonna kill that Jeremy-wanna-be!"   
  
Tifa storms out.   
  
** LATER, AT CLOUD'S PLACE **   
  
"Cloud! Yuffie & I are here!" Tifa called out.   
  
"Come on you blonde jack ass, so your ugly face! Or I'll tell Barret what color underwear you wear," Yuffie warned.   
  
Cloud popped out from behind the couch.   
  
"How do you know what color underwear I wear? And I don't wear underwear, I wear boxers!"   
  
Cloud pulls down his pants, revealing Godzilla boxers.   
  
"See?!?"   
  
Tifa and Yuffie collopased on the floor laughing.   
  
"Bwahahahaha! Gotcha!" Yuffie said, between tears of laughter.   
  
/Good one, idiot. Now, go back into your room, before Barret comes in and sees you with your pants down./   
  
//Barret...?//   
  
-SLAM!-   
  
The door slams open, revealing the huge figure of Barret.   
  
//Barret.........!!!//   
  
"Hi Barret! Look at CLoud!!" Yuffie said, pointing at Cloud.   
  
Barret turns.   
  
"Ya stoopid blondie! Pull y'r pants up!"   
  
Cloud complies.   
  
****~*~*~*~*~*~   
To be continued...   
  
How didya like it? Please review! I need more suggestions! Pwease! What should Yuffie & Tifa do to Cloud? At first I thought they should flash him, but Cloud's probably seen everything Tifa has, and Yuffie's alot worse...


	2. Bwahaha!

Hey all!!!!!!!!!! Here's the next chapter! See how ya like it! It's 1:07 a.m., I am hyper and horny as hell! And missing my b/f... WAH!!! I just got through reading some DBZ fanfics, so someone might pop in... Hehehe ^-~   
  
~Lady Pan~   
  
AT A BAR   
"Why me? Oh why me?" Cloud moans. "And Yuffie of all people?"   
  
Cloud starts to cry.   
  
Vegita pops in.   
  
"Stupid baka! Why are crying, DUMB ASS BLONDE?"   
  
**Author's Note: Ooops... Wrong fanfic... heh.   
  
"What the hell?" Cloud looks around, confused as hell. "Who was that dork?"   
  
-Music blares outside-   
  
"Huh?" Cloud goes outside...   
  
And screams!   
  
"Oh no! Not.. not..."   
  
/Yes my friend, it's N'SYNC!/   
  
//You again?//   
  
/Yeah, you got a prob?/   
  
//Not really... What are they doing here...?//   
  
/I dunno. Why don't you go kill 'em?/   
  
//KOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!//   
  
-Cloud runs, grabs his sword, and hacks N'SYNC to pieces.-   
  
-Music is still playing-   
  
"Huh?"   
  
/Um... It's a teenybopper festival.../   
  
//NO!!//   
  
-Cloud morphs into Vegita-   
  
//WHAT THE HELL? I'M A DORKUS MORLOKUS NOW?//   
  
/Heh./   
  
**Author's Note: I know, this is supposed to be Cloud/Tifa/Yuffie, buuuuut I wanna have some fun!   
  
-Cloud changes into a tall, lanky, kinda cute young man with a southern accent. He is wearing loose jeans, a a button up shirt-   
  
//WHAT?!?!? I AM NOW JERMEY?????? WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?//   
  
/You didn't do anything, take it as a compliment./   
  
//STUPID ONNA!//   
  
**Author's Notes: 'member that dude that I bashed last chapter? Now the unlucky guy is my boyfriend!! Bwhahahahaha! What did he ever do wrong? As he says, I have issues! I love you Mr. Puppy!!   
  
//Can we go back to the Tifa/Yuffie thing? I like that better...//   
  
/And ruin all my fun?/   
  
//YES//   
  
/Alright/   
  
-Cloud is transported to Tifa's apartment-   
  
-Tifa and Yuffie start laughing-   
  
"What the hell?" Cloud yells, looking at himself. He is dressed in a hospital gown, with a window in the back.   
  
//Where did this come from?//   
  
/I got it from Dragon Ball Z fanfic, I think it was by Prince Vegita... I liked it!!!/   
  
//ARGH!!!!!//   
  
"Cl...Cloud..." Tifa starts to say, between fits of laughter, "Can we talk?"   
  
"...............Sure..............."   
  
"First get some clothes..."   
  
LATER   
  
"What did you want, Tifa-chan?" Cloud asks, getting horny looking at Tifa in her 'slut clothes.'   
  
**Author's Note: Tifa's slut clothes are Britney Spears's look-alike clothes...   
  
"Um... I'm not sleeping with Yuffie..."   
  
-Cloud falls off the stool he's sitting on-   
  
"WHAT!?!?!?!"   
  
"Yeah, the narrator, Yuffie, & I wanted to play a trick on you...."   
  
"STUPID ONNAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
-The narrator pops in. She is a 15 year girl, dressed in slinky black pants, a white tank-top, and sandals. Oh, she's also wearing no bra.-   
  
-Cloud's eyes bulge-   
  
"Hey Cloud, I'm the narrator!!!!!!!!!!!! How ya doing?"   
  
-Cloud drools-   
  
-Jeremy pops in-   
  
"STUPID ONNA! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?"   
  
-The narrator blushes-   
  
"I like Cloud... And aren't you supposed to be at Scouts this weekend?"   
  
That stops Jeremy.   
  
"I was... wait! You ARE THE NARRATOR! YOU PUT ME IN HERE!!"   
  
-Cloud becomes normal again-   
  
"Um............................. Can y'all take it outside???? I wanna talk to Tifa..."   
  
"Talk?" the narrator says, "Like hell you will! You will go into Tifa's bedroom and have passionate sex for hours!"   
  
"Really? What about Yuffie?"   
  
"She'll join a 'I Love Sephie' club. They are Cloud-bashers."   
  
-A mallot appears in Yuffie's hands-   
  
"Come back here CLOUDIE HEAD! Don't run away!"   
  
//I thought you said I get sex...//   
  
/I lied.../   
  
  
  
THE END   
  
Like it? I know, Cloud never got to kill the teenyboppers, buuuuuuuuut... NEXT FANFIC!!


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